Sexual Chemistry

[prillysplace]

I am in a relationship with a man (51) and he just got out of a 20 year marriage. In the beginning of the relationship I was going through a kinky side and I jokingly said "you're kinda vanilla" when it comes to sex. I explained and he said - yeah, i guess i am. We tried some things and i could tell it seemed like it wasn't his thing. It didn't bother me because I enjoy both as long as there is personal chemistry. To me "sexual chemistry" is not something where sometimes sex is good and sometimes there are struggles. When i have experienced lack of sexual chemistry it was along the lines of NEVER could have good sex. Just complete awkwardness in bed.

With that being said, he has always struggled with getting FULLY hard. He drinks a bit in the evenings, and we don't really have the issue in the morning. That creates issues for me, but he felt it had to do with some mental blocks from being with the same woman for 20 years. Understood.

Next, we've had some issues with "smell" - I had a health issue, and I have also began birth-control. Two things that have to do with smell. I also had myself fully checked by my doctor for any other potential issues. She said its just a Ph thing and sometimes my menstrual cycle with cause this too. I thought I fixed the issue. The boyfriend says its not all the time, but sometimes and he has a very sensitive sense of smell. (He didn't let me know this was still ongoing until a couple of days ago which I feel is unfair).

Everything else in our relationship has been great & very health. Good communication with the exception of this sex stuff. He just about broke up with me the other night saying "Intimacy is an important part of a relationship and i feel our chemistry is off". I told him I agree 100% but that i don't think its chemistry as much as its needing to have an adult and possibly uncomfortable conversation. Personally, I feel sometimes its an exploration of things and talking every so often.

We've only had one phone call since this. He has pulled away because work is stressful and the world right now is crazy. On the call, he admitted to the ED issue and told me about the smell issue (which i didnt know still happened). We both admit we miss each other and he seemed like we were edging to some compromise but the call was cut short because he was starting a 3PM golf game. I assumed he'd call back but never did. Now, another day of not even hearing from him. Not even a basic good morning or anything.

I just can't believe this is really a sexual chemistry issue as much as an ED issue AND talking things through. He's only had 5 sexual relationships. Maybe he doesn't realize how normal this is? I don't know. I'm just trying to make sense of it on my own since he seems to obviously need his space.

[prillysplace]

I read this again and realized how much emotion & detail was written into this. I was just trying to paint a clear picture.

The actual thing I'm pondering is if Sexual Chemistry is something that can be worked on. We have physical chemistry (I want to rip your clothes off kind) and all the other elements of a good relay. BUT, *sometimes* the sex is awkward. Awkward due to lack of full erection and just...."off" on some occasions.

Does this really mean we're doomed?

[talkhealth]

Hi prillysplace,

Thank you for posting on the forum and hopefully other members will be able to answer your question in due course.

If your partner is willing perhaps you may want to consider a Sexual Therapist? You will then be able to explore all that you have shared here with a professional who can mediate between the two of you.

Here is a link:

https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questi ... rapist-do/

Please also find a link to a blog on ED here:

http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/bl ... sfunction/

Kind regards
talkhealth