long-term unemployment question
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2020 1:54 am
Hello,
Due to depression _which was later diagnosed as borderline and then deemed treatment resistant_ I haven't had a long-term job since graduation. I graduated in 2016 and I had 5 jobs ever since, the longest time I held a job was about 3 months. I graduated with an architectural engineering degree but I originally joined engineering school to be a computer engineer, but after passing the first year and trying computer engineering I decided that it was too hard for my taste and moved to architecture, anyway I hated it, but perhaps I was smart enough to graduate without failing any subject. I couldn't apply for any engineering job since graduation, part fear of failure and part hatred for the field. I worked in graphic design and sales and ESL teaching.
So, yea. Here I am, a 27-year-old guy with no skills, trained in nothing, I even forgot what I studied and I hadn't touched graphic design for almost a year. I wasn't good in sales because of the social anxiety and me being an introvert. I have no plan and I think of suicide multiple times a day. I can't get medical help because I tried that for 3 years and as I said they eventually said that I was treatment resistant. And to top it all off my mother told me outright that they've been keeping up with me for four years and I shouldn't ask them of anything else. I live with them _as customary in my country for young people to live with parents until marriage_ but I decided that I'm going to leave the house, the sooner the better. Now I even don't know if I should lie in the resume about the gaps or should I say that I was abroad and was working in irrelevant jobs and start afresh with an empty resume, what should I do? Is it worth it? Should I just end it all? Why should I wait a couple of decades before I die when I can do it now? I know people will call it running away, and they will call me a coward and selfish for putting my family through this but does it matter in the end?
I'm sorry for the very long question, but I had to write that down, at least to get it out of my head.
Due to depression _which was later diagnosed as borderline and then deemed treatment resistant_ I haven't had a long-term job since graduation. I graduated in 2016 and I had 5 jobs ever since, the longest time I held a job was about 3 months. I graduated with an architectural engineering degree but I originally joined engineering school to be a computer engineer, but after passing the first year and trying computer engineering I decided that it was too hard for my taste and moved to architecture, anyway I hated it, but perhaps I was smart enough to graduate without failing any subject. I couldn't apply for any engineering job since graduation, part fear of failure and part hatred for the field. I worked in graphic design and sales and ESL teaching.
So, yea. Here I am, a 27-year-old guy with no skills, trained in nothing, I even forgot what I studied and I hadn't touched graphic design for almost a year. I wasn't good in sales because of the social anxiety and me being an introvert. I have no plan and I think of suicide multiple times a day. I can't get medical help because I tried that for 3 years and as I said they eventually said that I was treatment resistant. And to top it all off my mother told me outright that they've been keeping up with me for four years and I shouldn't ask them of anything else. I live with them _as customary in my country for young people to live with parents until marriage_ but I decided that I'm going to leave the house, the sooner the better. Now I even don't know if I should lie in the resume about the gaps or should I say that I was abroad and was working in irrelevant jobs and start afresh with an empty resume, what should I do? Is it worth it? Should I just end it all? Why should I wait a couple of decades before I die when I can do it now? I know people will call it running away, and they will call me a coward and selfish for putting my family through this but does it matter in the end?
I'm sorry for the very long question, but I had to write that down, at least to get it out of my head.